Archive for February, 2010

Ucking unt

February 20, 2010

A long time ago, in a previous life, I trained to be a teacher. And I would have gotten away with it if it hadn’t been for those pesky kids.

Now that you’ve stopped laughing (at the idea of me being a teacher, not the half-arsed Scooby Doo reference), I’ll go on.

In one of the classes I ‘taught’ there was a kid called Paul Montague. He was what you’d call ‘a bit of a handful’. He’d never stop talking, he’d get  up and start walking around during lessons and he was consistently abusive. Lesson after lesson, he’d answer back – and get my back up. He made my life hell.

After one particularly harrowing lesson, I stormed into the staffroom, impotently clenching and unclenching my fists (apparently, you’re not allowed to punch children in the face). I was asked what was wrong. I told them.

Paul Montague.

“Ah yes,” said a colleague. “He’s a pain.”

“No he isn’t,” I replied. “He’s a cunt.”

The staffroom went silent.

Later that day I was taken to one side and told that, in a staffroom where 90% of teachers were women, “we don’t use the c-word”.

Suffice to say, I didn’t become a teacher.

Linking paragraph. The reason I mention this is, sometimes the use of the c-word is completely justified. Like last night.

Walking up Borough high Street, I watched a man trip up a woman. He was walking closely behind her and then he deliberately clipped her heels. She went down heavily. It looked like it hurt.

I know it was deliberate because he ran away laughing. So I ran after him.

After a brief chase, he stopped and turned round. “What? What?” he said.

“You tripped her up. You did it on purpose. I saw you.”

“Come on then!” he shouted. “You cunt! You fucking cunt! Come on! Caaaaaaaaam aaaaaaan!”

So I did what any self-respecting coward would have done. I did the impotent fist clench/unclench thing and walked away. I checked the poor woman was OK and seethed off to the pub.

Not a very nice story. It still makes me so incredibly angry that people are like that. It makes me even angrier that I walked away. Coward.

But back to the use of the c-word. If you’re reading this, you weaselly little piece of shit (and I doubt very much that you can read), I’m not the cunt.

You are.


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