Archive for November, 2009

Who asked your opinion anyway?

November 23, 2009

Hi. Excuse me. Sorry to bother you, but I couldn’t help overhearing your conversation. Now, I’ve got no interest whatsoever in what you’re talking about but I’d just like you to know you’re a bore. I’m just not interested in what you have to say. So please. Stop talking.

A boar, yesterday

Now, part of me would love to say this. Mainly to posh women who talk about shoes on buses; but also that small group of people that doesn’t share my taste in, well, anything. (I’m tolerant like that.) Of course, I don’t because I’m scared I’ll get a Jimmy Choo in my face. And anyway, my mum brought me up proper.

But (Ronnie Corbett moment alert) I digress. The above was actually spoken, albeit in the twittersphere, by a friend of mine to none other than Stephen ‘National Treasure’ Fry. No, this wasn’t that celebrated moment when Lord Fry (NT) threw his virtual toys out of his e-pram and threatened to stop tweeting. It happened weeks afterwards, when, tiring of Stephen’s arrer-by-arrer coverage of the World Darty Matchplay Thingy on Sky Sports Something, my friend finally snapped.  “Not interested,” he wrote. (Tweeted? Twote?) “Boring. Don’t care. Not interested. Please. Please. Stop.”

As Chrissie Hynde once said, don’t get me wrong (and Stephen, if you’re reading this, don’t take it personally). There’s only one thing duller than a darts match. And that’s people giving a blow-by-blow of a darts match. “Thunk. 60. Thunk. 60. Thunk. 60. Brilliant!” But who in their right mind seeks out someone’s opinion only to lambast them for, er, sharing their opinion? “Hello, will you be my friend? Jesus you’re dull.”

Bizarre when you think about it. (Oh Christ, I’m turning into Richard Littlejohn on my first post. You couldn’t make it u…STOPITSTOPITSTOPIT!). Almost as bizarre as those strange people who go onto the Guardian message boards to vent their spleen at any available moment.

My favourite so far? The nice, balanced chaps who invaded the Guardian’s ‘What are the best TV ads of the noughties?’ blog with such helpful comments as: “Christ, who fuckin’ cares? I can’t think of a more mundane topic of discussion” from someone called ThinkOrDie (you don’t seem to do the former, so may I suggest you try the latter?); “If anyone who works in advertising is reading this: Bill Hicks was right. Kill yourself” (Bill Hicks is dead. I’m not. I win.); and “[P]eople who like adverts…[a]re morons”.

Yeah? To paraphrase Obi Wan Kenobi: “Who is the bigger moron? The moron who likes adverts or the moron who feels they have the divine right to tell the moron that they’re a moron for liking adverts?”

Comment may be free, but as my mum says, a little common courtesy costs nothing. Or, as Chuck Norris so succinctly put it, “If I want your opinion, I’ll beat it out of you”.

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